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I A M A W O L F

by Bad Naps

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1.
Provenance 04:09
I didn’t see your brake lights when you stopped in front of me I was texting my husband who’s been serving overseas I saw you pulling off the road when it was already too late I tried my best to slow down…Oh my God, what is happening? But I said it was an accident It was an accident It was an accident It was an accident Just like me You said you loved me and wanted all I had to give And that I should trust you and not worry about protection But now we’re here in the hospital with you screaming in pain They said here is your baby boy, and we both share a name But I said you were an accident You were an accident You were an accident You were an accident Just like me I am an accident I am an accident I am an accident I am an accident I am an accident I am an accident I am an accident I am an accident We are all accidents We are all accidents We are all accidents We are all accidents
2.
To combat hate we need more segregation To combat drugs we need legalization It doesn’t make sense I’m fed up with my generation fixing our problems with overfixation To combat porn we need more sex To fix the economy we need more debt Oh God, what happens next? Oh God, what happens next? Bullets are spreading like cancer in our schools And we still think more guns are the answer Well, we’re all fucking fools We are not the greatest I’m so sick of it We are not the silent I’m so sick of it We are not the greatest I’m so sick of it We are not the silent I’m so sick of it No we are We are the violent We are the violent
3.
You say if there is a God why should I care Why should I use my life to worship him If he’s that selfish to require that much of me Maybe I don’t want to go to heaven You say if there is a God You say if there is a God You say if there is a God You don’t think there’s a God I’ve lived a Godless life til now and don’t feel incomplete Besides you don’t have evidence of him even existing He may not even be a “he” at all You believe what you believe, that’s your life choice But don’t force your beliefs on me and stifle my voice I don’t have to sacrifice anything I’ve earned to a God who commanded Abraham to kill his own son Yeah I’ve read your book It’s full of myths and contradictions You really base your life on ancient lifestyles and opinions? It’s time for them to die: your God your bible your commandments So we can find new life and unite under the new banner of Progress
4.
And God, I’m going to miss you if I find out that you no longer exist But I’ll keep praying the same prayer I’ve prayed since I was a kid That you and I would be together right until the very end Right until the very end Right until the very end!
5.
I've been talking and talking to you but I get no response I try to blend in with the flock but I scatter them off I smile to feign that I'm friendly but I'm really baring my teeth you say that the gate swings wide but why is there no room for me? you say the sheep recognize your voice is that why I don't hear from you anymore? I like to pretend that I'm holy but I am a wolf in sheep's clothing you might think that you know me but I lie straight through my teeth you say the sheep recognize your voice but my God I don't speak in a language I understand because I want to know I want to live and you promise life and life to the full but I'm terrified to realize that I am a wolf
6.
Not The Hero 03:03
The camera cuts across the scene I’m there for an instant, distant and blurry With no name or defining features Forgettable, I’m just a passing vapor I’ve no right to advance this plot My name shouldn’t appear in the credits But the Screenwriter has given me stock He knows my character and my purpose I am not the supporting actor I’m too weak to play that part And I am not the hero But the one after the Hero’s heart (I’m after your heart God) So, what if I’m not the hero? What if all of my pride has distorted the story of my life? What if I’m just a background part With a strong but subtle story arc Unknown but to the one who knows my role? What if I’m not the hero? What if I’m not the hero? What if I’m not even named? What if I’m just an extra with a hopeless desire for fame? What if I’m a siren distracting other roles? I am not a shepherd I am a thief I am a wolf
7.
Today I feel like proving You wrong Create reality for myself The truth I lived now must be false Manifest destiny Meaning from nothing Suffocate me Prove that You’re real Suffocate me So I can’t feel God I know You exist because All of this wouldn’t exist without You But I must admit I’m so fucking scared when I pray it seems like You’re nowhere Proximity is such a distant feeling God I know You exist because All of this wouldn’t exist without You But I must admit I’m so fucking scared when I pray it seems like You’re nowhere Can You please close this distance?
8.
And Yet 01:51
And yet I have this sort of compass inside And so does everyone else It points us to see right from wrong It points us to see past ourselves I’m starting to believe In something more than me I’m starting to believe In something more than me
9.
We’re in a constant battle And to think that the devil ain’t real Is just how he wants you to feel Will you take up your sword or your shackles? Because this war’s a fight to be had Complacency leaves you good as dead Yesterday’s fears have become unbearable again Ceiling fans and chandeliers have robbed to much of my attention I’m writing to the rhythm of the recurrent noise outside Wrestling with rapture Feeling ready but still unsure You’ve got answers to all of the questions I have inside But will I ask the right ones? And will I fight until my times done? Listen closely son Yesterday’s fears have become unbearable again Ceiling fans and chandeliers have robbed to much of my attention From staring at the ceiling wishing I could fall asleep (Staring at the ceiling wishing I could fall asleep) This claustrophobic feeling, thinking of eternity (God, just let me sleep…) Oh I just need to breathe again I just need to breathe again Oh, I just need to breathe Breathe in breathe out this is what you need
10.
Scatterplots 04:32
She said, she said What if we’re not accidents She said, she said What if we all have a purpose She said, What if we’re not made for nonexistence She said, she said What if, what if We’re just scatterplots i responded What if, Just random data points on a planet What if All of this is completely meaningless What if, what if She just smiled at me As if i was missing something She said, she said You were never directionless She said, she said And never a wolf, not for one second She said Live like a sheep and reap the benefits She said, she said What if, what if I relinquish all control What then, what then? Follow blindly behind the shepherds cloak Is that it? Is that it? Give up who I am for someone I don’t know Is that it? Is that it? She leaned in real close And whispered to my soul It’s okay to let things go There is freedom in surrender A seed must die before it grows Fuck I give up There is freedom in surrender There is freedom in surrender Fuck I give up There is freedom in surrender There is freedom in surrender There is freedom in surrender There is freedom in surrender God I give up There is freedom in surrender There is freedom in surrender God I give up There is freedom in surrender There is freedom in surrender
11.
This life is mine, but it doesn’t belong to me You say to die is how I’ll find who I’m supposed to be I need Your help to purge this selfishness inside Give me a clean heart, give me a new life How do I deal with this I never thought it’d get this bad I guess I was wrong How do I deal with this (My teeth) I never thought it’d get (Still bleed) This bad (With the) I guess I was wrong (Blood of your sheep) But blessed is the Lord my rock Who trains my hands for battle and my fingers for war My mercy My fortress My stronghold My deliverer My shield, in whom I trust You give victory to kings Even though we’ve all become traitors and thieves Even when we steal the bread from those we should feed I cry out to my God But You’ve already forgiven me You’ve already forgiven me The distance between the dying and me Is steadily decreasing The pain within my chest about what happens next Cannot be understated When everything ends will there still be a place for me? I’m not looking towards the light because I’m afraid of the dark No I’ve got You in my sights because I believe in who You are I’m not looking towards the light because I’m afraid of the dark No I’ve got You in my sights because I believe in who You are I want to be a better man but dammit I can’t Dammit I can’t The healthy don’t need a doctor, physicians are for the sick And I’m sick, God I’m sick I want to be a better man but dammit I can’t Dammit I can’t The healthy don’t need a doctor, physicians are for the sick And I’m sick, God I’m sick God I’m sick I’m not looking towards the light because I’m afraid of the dark No I’ve got You in my sights because I believe in who You are I’m not looking towards the light because I’m afraid of the dark No I’ve got You in my sights because I believe in who You are I believe in who You say You are I believe You’re who You say You are I believe in who You say You are I believe You’re who You say You are I believe in who You say You are I believe You’re who You say You are I believe in who You say You are I believe You’re who You say You are I believe in who You say You are

about

"Heartrending screamo with heart-on-sleeve lyrics from Bad Naps captures visceral emotions in razor-edged riffs & pained vocals."

-Bandcamp Daily "New and Notable" March 26, 2023


"Certain genres are better at conveying certain emotions over others. When it comes to exploring emotional and mental distress of one sort or the other, screamo rock has a particular advantage. The angst apparent in the screams and growls is sometimes conveyed more poignantly than any poetry could do. Derek Cook, a.k.a. Bad Naps, enjoys using this particular brand of rock to share his thoughts, but specifically curbs it toward testimony on his most recent album, I A M A W O L F.
Musically, the album feels akin to Linkin Park in their hey-day. Cook does enough, however, to keep the mood varied and prevent the listener from feeling bored. Whether it's incorporating piano (like on the opener "Provenance"), throwing in some acoustic guitar here and there (like on "Scatterplots"), or mixing up tempo, this record twists and turns in interesting ways. Cook, who plays almost all of the instrumental parts, does a good job with each, though there's never a standout moment for any of the instruments, like a catchy riff or a well-timed drum fill. The music is raw and, while varied in its presentation, straightforward.

The meat of I A M A W O L F is in the lyrics and storyline running through the record. Whether it's Cook's personal testimony or a projection of modern day man wrestling with faith, this album takes the listener on a journey. Starting in abject hopelessness with "Provenance" and "Cataracts of Culture," the "main character" ponders God's existence and what that means in "Conversing the Cross." A crack in the atheistic armor starts to show in the title track and its follow-up, "Not the Hero," though he rouses his obstinacy in "Manifest Destiny." But, beginning with the short "And Yet," the façade falls to pieces and faith is accepted.

If one ever wanted to convey a conversion experience that involves a lot of kicking and screaming, Bad Naps tells the definitive story with I A M A W O L F. The angst is so strong that the f-bomb is frequently dropped (on "Cataracts of Culture," "Manifest Destiny," and "Scatterplots") and even "d*mn" makes a couple appearances. One could argue that the cussing accentuates the emotions, while others would still say it's unnecessary. Regardless, it adds to the overall raw feeling promoted by the music. It's clear that Bad Naps is a creative force in the indie realm. This record is rough around the edges but shows promise in its grittiness. While the music could use a little more pizzazz (adding another musician or two could help), the lyrics and story make this an album that die-hard fans of screamo rock will want to check out."

-JesusFreakHideout February 17, 2023

credits

released March 24, 2023

Derek Cook - Vocals, Guitars, Bass, Programming, Mixing, Production

Mastered by Grant Hart @ Grant Hart Productions
(www.granthartproductions.com)

Additional vocals on "Not The Hero" by Jacob McClaran.
Piano accompaniment on "The Last Thing I Ever Said" by Danielle Gutches.

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Bad Naps Williamsburg, Virginia

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